Somehow we have survived the first few months of having two very small children. Caleb is now a robust little two and a half month old, and Gianna is already twenty-three months! I’m not going to lie, the last few months have been really tiring. Yes, my babies are extremely adorable and I can’t get over how much I love them, but, they’ve driven me to the edge of thinking I’m going to lose it, almost daily. Yikes.

When I was nearing my due date with Caleb, I found myself scouring the blogosphere, trying to find posts that would help me prepare for the all-crazy, two under two world. I found this and this, which were great, but I wish there was more out there. So, I thought I would add to the mix some of my own thoughts (and what I hope would be helpful advice) on how to navigate the huge transition.

You will most definitely need help, so ask for help as much as you might need it and accept it when offered. I’m really, really bad at this because I don’t want to inconvenience people and assume everyone is too busy. But I quickly found myself drowning trying to do it all on my own, and my husband helped explain to me that when people said they wanted to help, they really meant it. We set up regular help from grandparents and accepted lots of food from many friends. Things are just plain chaotic with two babies but with just one extra set of hands, it’s a completely different and much more peaceful world.

Treat yourself! To ice cream and chocolate, primarily. People think pregnant women do all the eating, but I think the period of new mama-hood is the time to really indulge. You’re nursing, expending lots of energy chasing after little ones, and life is stressful, so enjoy little things that make you happy. Also, celebrate milestones. I drove out to get Pat and myself McDonald’s chocolate dipped cones (so good) the night that Caleb successful took his first bottle!

Really soon after Caleb was born, I found myself wanting to get back to “normal.” Everyday I had all these things I wanted to do, and I felt frustrated that I wasn’t able to do any of them. I’ve been accepting the reality that things will never be back to the way they used to be. This new life as a family of 4 is the new “normal” that I’m figuring out. Embrace the new normal. It’s been helpful to acknowledge areas of frustration that stem from trying to get back to the way things were.

Speaking of having things you want to do, have only 1 goal a day. You can think about it in the morning, or plan it out for the week, but you really shouldn’t expect to be able to handle more than that. By “goal” I mean things like, do the laundry, spend time on your hair (for someone like me with hair that’s a little wild), or cancel your dentist appointment.

Have other mamas that you can text about the random ups and downs of parenting. It’s really helpful. You need to have people who understand and cheer you on.

I never knew I could experience such levels of guilt! There are many times when Gianna is left to entertain herself while I nurse or soothe Caleb for a nap. I was expressing this guilt to a mom friend, and she asked me if there were other times during the day when I did give Gianna attention. Yes, there were many! So remember those times and really focus on each child when you have time with them. These times are really special. Oh, and that guilt feeling is normal. I’ve been learning to see that it’s there and let it go.

Which leads me to one of the biggest ways I’m trying to change the way I normally operate. Forget multi-tasking, learn the art of mono-tasking. I just feel a little crazy when I’m trying to do a billion things at once, whether it’s while the babies are awake or in the short periods of time when they’re both asleep. I just feel a lot less scattered and in a much better place when play-time with my children is just playtime and when checking email is confined to specific spaces. I end the day feeling like I was present to my family, and that feels really good. 

Adjust your weekly schedule so that cooking happens on the weekends and errands happen then, or on weeknights. I still have not attempted the great feat of taking both babies out on my own and have no plans to in the near future. Just the thought of it freaks me out just a little bit.

Read on, Part 2 and Part 3.