Eliza turned 11 months old yesterday. I feel like I should have it totally figured out by now, but in many ways I’m still finding my bearings as a mother of three little ones and learning what this new normal is for me.

The transition from two to three kids for us was really hard for us. There have been a few times this year when a pregnant-with-her-third-child mama will meet us and see that we have 3 too and ask excitedly and a little nervously, “how is it?!?” And Pat and I will exchange glances and say very honestly that it’s been hard. But we are also quick to say that a lot of it depends on the baby, and, oh yeah, we did a house remodel in the midst of it all, which involved moving in with my ‘in-laws at the beginning of my third trimester and then moving back in 5 months later when Eliza was 2.5 months old. And the house wasn’t completely done so there were people in and around our house for another month or two after that, hammering and making loud noises. Whew, does that sound tiring? It was, we don’t recommend it, ever.

The last 11 months I’ve been sleep deprived and have felt anxious, and frustrated, and angry many times. I’m not always present with my kids and there are days when I get into bed in the evening, feeling sad that the kids didn’t really get to have their mama, the mama that I want to be. Looking back over this last year, there are a few key things in my spiritual life that have kept me afloat. They are practices I’ve done even before having Eliza (single, married, with my first baby), but in the harder months and years, I have had to be more disciplined in making sure they have their place in my weekly rhythm. Through them, I’ve been able to experience moments of deep joy and gratitude in the midst of all the hard.

Weekly Solitude, Reflection, and Prayer

This might be the most important thing for me in my life as a mama, which I figured out in my first year with Caleb, my second. I have to get away, ideally once a week. These days I go to one of my favorite coffee shops with a great outdoor patio, I order a chai tea, put in my headphones, pull out my journal and book, and I sit with God and all my thoughts. Right now I’m slowly going through Sacred Rhythms, it’s my second time reading it, and every time I open it, I feel the presence of God meeting me and bringing life to my spirit. It’s a great book for seasons of transition.

In the months when Eliza was very young, these times away would look different. Sometimes I would only get 45min-1 hour before I’d have to come home to nurse. In those early months, I would use a journal to write down everything I was grateful for in the past week. It was so helpful to get perspective on the week and to recognize moments of God’s provision and joy in the midst of crazy times. A lot of gratitude would result.

The Daily Examen 

Pat made me a bookmark with two different forms of the daily examen, a reflection exercise to increase our awareness of God with us. These days, I try to do it every 2-3 days right before I go to sleep. I usually only get through the first one or two questions before falling asleep. Although I’ve mostly memorized the questions/prompts, I still like to have the card in front of me, it helps me focus when my mind inevitably drifts off.

Doing the examen has similar effects as my time away by myself, but in a shorter form throughout the week. My default is to want to turn off my brain completely and scroll through the blogs I follow before my eyes start to close, but having a few nights of reflective prayer centers me. The life of a mama is very chaotic and I’m pulled in a lot of directions, centeredness is a very important thing.

Here is my favorite version of the examen, adapted from here:

1. Become aware of God’s presence.
2. Review the day with gratitude: Gratitude is the foundation of our relationship with God. Walk through your day in the presence of God and note its joys and delights.
3. Pay attention to your emotions: Reflect on the feelings you experienced during the day. Ask what God is saying through these feelings.
4. Choose one feature of the day and pray from it: Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you to something during the day that God thinks is particularly important. It my be a vivid moment or something that seems insignificant.
5. Look forward to tomorrow: Ask God to give you light for tomorrow’s challenges.

Meeting with my Spiritual Director 

My time with my director is like gold. Over the course of our time, I get to share whatever I feel like I need some guidance in. Oftentimes, it’s a messy outpouring of feelings and struggles and tears. My director asks questions, speaks words of truth and wisdom, encourages me, helps bring perspective of where God is and what he might be doing, and she prays for me.

I first met with my spiritual director late in my pregnancy with Caleb. The ideal is to meet with her once a month, but often that only comes in small clusters. In this last year, I email my director whenever I know Pat is taking some time off and I try to make a meeting happen.

I highly recommend having a spiritual director, at whatever life phase you are in. I think we can all use an older, wiser, outside perspective who can help point us to God’s presence and work in our lives. I leave my meetings experiencing greater peace and freedom, which I want to live with more of.

What are your lifelines in difficult seasons? Particularly if you’re not a person of faith, I’d love to hear what recharges you and pushes you forward.